In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, we often find ourselves navigating through a myriad of stressors and challenges. From demanding work schedules to personal struggles, the weight of these burdens can sometimes feel overwhelming and we get into the grip of a negative vicious cycle. During these difficult moments, we tend to be our own harshest critics, rarely extending the same compassion to ourselves that we readily offer to our loved ones. But what if there were simple yet profoundly effective techniques that could help us navigate the storm of stress with grace and kindness? Here are three powerful soothing exercises you can learn and practice when you need a little self-compassion.
Exercise 1: How to Support a Friend
Please prepare a blank sheet of paper and address the following inquiries:
Begin by reflecting on moments when a dear friend is experiencing intense self-doubt or undergoing significant difficulties. How do you typically react to your friend during these situations, particularly when you are at your most supportive? Please document your usual actions, words, and the tone you employ when communicating with your friends.
Now, contemplate instances when you find yourself feeling down or facing challenges. How do you usually handle these situations when it comes to your own well-being? Please record your customary responses, the words you use, and take note of the tone you adopt when speaking to yourself.
Have you observed any disparities between these two scenarios? If so, delve into the reasons behind these distinctions. What factors or apprehensions contribute to the varying ways in which you treat yourself versus your treatment of others?
Please articulate your thoughts on how things might evolve if you extended to yourself the same degree of compassion you typically extend to a close friend during moments of distress.
Why not experiment with treating yourself as you would treat a cherished friend and assess the outcomes?
Exercise 2: Self-Compassion Break
Visualise a challenging situation in your life that is causing you stress. Bring this situation to mind and attempt to connect with the stress and emotional discomfort you are experiencing in your body.
Now, say to yourself:
1. “I am currently experiencing a moment of suffering”
This is an act of mindfulness. Alternatively, you can use phrases like:
- “This is painful”
- “Ouch, this hurts”
- “I am feeling stressed”
2. “Suffering is a natural part of life”
This reflects our shared humanity. Other alternatives include:
- “Other individuals experience similar feelings”
- “I am not alone in this”
- “We all confront difficulties in our lives”
Next, place your hands over your heart and feel the warmth and gentle touch of your hands against your chest. Alternatively, use the comforting touch that resonates best with you.
Say to yourself:
3. “May I show kindness to myself”
You can also inquire, “What do I need to hear right now to extend kindness to myself?” Is there a specific phrase that resonates with your current situation, such as:
- “May I offer myself the compassion I require”
- “May I embrace myself as I am”
- “May I grant myself forgiveness”
- “May I find strength within”
- “May I practice patience”
This exercise can be employed at any time of the day or night and will serve as a reminder to invoke the three elements of self-compassion when you need them most.
Exercise 3: Self-Soothing Through Touch
An effective method for nurturing and consoling yourself when you’re feeling distressed is to engage in self-soothing through touch. Touch activates the caregiving system and the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and a sense of safety. Initially, it might seem awkward or embarrassing, but your body doesn’t distinguish these feelings; it merely responds to the physical gesture of warmth and care, much like a baby responds to being cradled in its mother’s arms. Our skin is an exceptionally sensitive organ, and research has shown that physical touch releases oxytocin, fosters feelings of security, eases distressing emotions, and reduces cardiovascular stress. So, why not give it a try?
Consider incorporating the practice of placing your hand on your body during challenging moments multiple times a day for at least a week.
Hand-on-Heart
When you recognise that you’re experiencing stress, take 2-3 deep, calming breaths.
Gently rest your hand over your heart, feeling the gentle pressure and warmth of your hand. If you prefer, you can place both hands on your chest, noting the difference between using one hand and both.
Focus on the sensation of your hand touching your chest. If you’d like, you can make small circular motions with your hand on your chest.
Observe the natural rise and fall of your chest as you inhale and exhale.
Allow yourself to linger with this sensation for as long as you find comforting.
Some individuals may feel uncomfortable placing a hand over their heart. Feel free to explore other areas of your body where gentle touch is soothing. Here are some alternative options:
- Cradling your face in your hands
- One hand on your cheek
- Gently stroking your arms
- Crossing your arms and applying a gentle squeeze
- Gentle circular movements on your chest
- Hand on your abdomen
- One hand on your abdomen and the other over your heart
- Cupping one hand within the other in your lap
With practice, you can develop the habit of comforting yourself physically when needed, making the most of this remarkably simple and straightforward approach to self-compassion.
